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A Mind I Can Live In

by Spectator Bird

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    9 track CD comes in a wallet-fold case with artwork by Emma Scarvey, an insert with complete lyrics and a 3 in x 3 in sticker.

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1.
There’s a risk this is nothing There’s a risk of delusion There’s a risk I have been A foolish woman Then I think of Degas  And what he said when he saw That painting by Cassatt Said, “So it’s real! “So there’s someone who knows How I feel.” My mind’s spinning records  That no one has made
2.
I wanna be a body in motion I wanna make a quiet commotion Don’t you wish you were a wave in the ocean? Rollin, rollin, a body in motion I wanna be a Kenmore sewing machine Nineteen sixties army green Keep things together with my seams From a needle piercing unapologetically I wanna be a body in motion I wanna make a quiet commotion Don’t you wish you were a wave in the ocean? Rollin, rollin, A body in motion I wanna be that thing that sits on people’s desks in the movies A system of weights and of strings That moves back and forth click-clacking auspiciously To be honest I had to look up what auspicious meant It means conducive to success I want to Conduce Success, success I wish I weren’t a mess Success, success I wish I weren’t a mess I wanna be a body in motion I wanna make a quiet commotion Don’t you wish you were content with knowing You’re no one, no one You’re just a body in motion
3.
Wild Guess 02:59
The sun didn’t come out this morning I bet it won’t come out anymore What is there to do but believe the worst is true? At least I’ve got my fear to keep me warm My pretty little fear I get you out of bed I brush your pretty hair I make sure that you’re fed We both know, my dear You’re a wild guess Sauntering around my mind In your Sunday best My friend hasn’t called back since last evening I bet that’s the last friend that I make I’ll go to sleep resigned and if I make it through the night At least my fear will be there when I wake My pretty little fear I get you out of bed I brush your pretty hair I make sure that you’re fed We both know, my dear You’re a wild guess Sauntering around my mind In your Sunday best This afternoon I got to thinking Pretty soon my thinking got to me I heard that kettle sing I let some worries steep And I poured myself a big old mug of Anxie-tea My pretty little fear I get you out of bed I brush your pretty hair I make sure that you’re fed We both know, my dear You’re a wild guess Sauntering around my mind In your Sunday best
4.
Slept like a baby in the late eighties I am older now, just holding on Most days it’s caffeine that gets me up and going I am older now, just holding on And on and on and on And on and on and on I was doing fine in the mid-nineties I am older now, just holding on Most days it’s wine that sets me unwinding I am older now, just holding on It’s a strange time I find myself in A strange vine we’re climbing My fists are gripping, but my grip is slipping I am older now, just holding on Tell me baby, tell me nicely, Where is this old machine driving? Cause I wanna be near you, but most days I can’t hear you I am older now, just holding on And on and on and on And on and on and on I started writing songs in the two thousands I am older now, just holding on Most days it’s the rope that keeps me from drowning I am older now, just holding on It’s a strange time I find myself in A strange vine we’re climbing My fists are gripping, but my grip is slipping I am older now, just holding on I am older now, just holding on
5.
Clean Hands 02:05
I hurt someone I love With just a word It was enough To hurt someone I love I hurt someone I love With just a word It was enough What was was it worth What did it cost Will you forgive me? And now I live inside my thoughts It feels a lot like being lost No way to turn back Or to earn back Your trust in who I was Maybe it’s time Maybe it’s age Maybe the things I want have changed I want clean hands I want clean hands I want clean hands and a mind I can live in Flip the record Lift the leg up And set it spinning
6.
There are things to do if you need to wait Read magazines that are out of date Think of a time in which you thought It was the end when it was not And on you raced, spirits blazing, To face another red letter day when Sure, the news is worse and worse But there’s still more love than we deserve There are things to do if you want to see The face of God in humanity You can shout hello to the man who rocks By his front door where no one knocks And watch his face light up and change See how he looked in younger days It didn’t even cost a dime You don’t have much but you’ve got time There are things to do if you want to feel Close to the ones who are not near You can say their names loud as a gong You can fold them sweet into a song You can count them on your fingernails Move to your toes and then your hair In fact there is so much to do To think how someone’s counting you So if you need to wait, pull up a chair You can do these things most anywhere I’m sure there are a few I missed This is an indefinite list…
7.
Oh my, field of flowers Oh my, sky full of stars Oh my lands, oh my waters Look at your daughter Who holds her head up in the dark How did that one song go Something bout an angel Who wore a pompadour for a halo My well is pretty dry But I’ll sing for her I’ll lift the rusty lid I’ll let the record twirl Everybody wants something from you You just got that way But oh my darling, is it lonely To be the hand that’s holding Everyone and everything How did that one song go It made the sound of grace It rode to town on six white horses With west virginia plates My well is pretty dry But I’ll sing for her I’ll lift my tired head I’ll let the spirit twirl Oh my haunts and my hollers Oh my valley of days Oh my dark, rushing waters Look at her daughters Look at what the light hath made Look at what the light hath made How did that one song go? Thought it was meant for me But it’s for my little sisters I can hear their running feet My well is pretty dry But I’ll sing for them I’ll that one song go We’ll let the B-side -- spin Oh my darling ain’t it something To see the sun come running Out from behind the rain Oh my darling ain’t it something To see the sun come running At the mention of your name
8.
Time 02:14
I never say much Of the real stuff Til my coat’s on By the door Then the truth comes And the love runs Tell me, what else Are doors for? Time, sweet time I thought I had you Thought you were mine Time, sweet time I thought to have you Meant you were on my side I like to think love We are unstoppable A shame it’s just not true I never get much of my work done Unless I’m running out of you Time, sweet time I thought I had you Thought you were mine Time, sweet time I thought to have you Meant you were on my side I ask for days and days I fill them with drivel I want so much! I only need a little I never say much Of the real stuff Til my coat’s on By the door Then the truth comes And the love runs Tell me what else Are doors for?
9.
Again, Amen 05:03
I got black-out drunk when I was 21 On a red wine cooler from Food Lion On the back stoop of my rented apartment Haven’t we all ruined something we borrowed? I got sick in a box of library books My friend was there from childhood She cleaned me up, tucked me in real good Saying, ‘I don’t envy your tomorrow’ Haven’t we all ruined something we borrowed? When I came to I saw a box of what Looked a little like kool-aid and a lot like blood Like a sacrifice had happened in a bookshop But the Bible was the hardest pill to swallow Haven’t we all ruined something we borrowed? When I came to next, I heard fumbling in the kitchen I stumbled in and found my friend doing the dishes She asked, ‘How you feel?’ I said, ‘My playback reel is missing!’ She laughed and poured me a glass of water Haven’t we all ruined something we borrowed? I’d assumed I’d spilled of the love that I was grieving She cracked a can of ginger ale and said, ‘well, not completely You were praying, hell, I couldn’t lift you off your knees, Saying, God, I see the road but I can’t follow Or have I just ruined something I borrowed?’ Ashamed, amazed I said, ‘so that’s what I was doing!’ She gave my back a gentle pat, said ‘come, let’s take communion. A little gin, a little ginger, for our blessing and our ruin Or tell me something sis, ain’t ya thirsty? Haven’t we all turned down a little mercy? Hey, I’m sorry for my tangent, I know that we just met I had a point when I began, now I guess I forget Oh yeah, you asked me, do I believe? Some days I do, some days I think something believes for me Alright then, Amen Again, amen Amen to us miserable offenders Who come to you on dirty knees after all-night benders Amen to the men out with their nets and their fishes Amen to friends doing other people’s dishes Amen to the moments when we don’t mind the waiting After all, isn’t everything a little sacred? Amen to the shy girl hungover on a beach One day she’ll be your mother, one day she’s gonna teach you Of a love that you can never ruin No matter what you think you did, no matter what you’re doing Alright then, Amen Again, again, Amen

credits

released June 11, 2022

All tracks were recorded, mixed and co-produced by Taylor Bess at In Your Ear Studios in Richmond, VA.

Mastered by Jeff Salzman (Tracks 2, 5 and 6) in Portland, OR and Taylor Bess (Tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 8 and 9) in Richmond, VA.

Musician Family
Rebecca Wudarski – Electric Guitar on Track 2 and 5, banjo on track 3, percussion on track 2.
Heather Hannah – Vocals on Track 3, 6, 7, and 9.
Josh Stevens – Cello on Track 1, 5, 7, and 9.
Lily Gates – Violin on Track 3, 7, and 9.
Brandon O’Neill – trumpet on Track 5.
Taylor Bess – Bass on Track 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 9, percussion on Track 2, vocals on Track 2 and 5, and Wurlitzer on Track 7.
Michael Bowman – Drums on Track 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 9 and vocals on Track 5.

Album photograph by Amelia Schmid.
Album artwork by Emma Scarvey.
Invaluable design help by Valerie Bess.

Spectator Bird is Lindsey and Rachel FitzGerald.

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Spectator Bird Virginia

Sister-folk from the Shenandoah Valley.

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